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(no subject) [Apr. 5th, 2006|11:18 pm]
[music |kutless-all the words]

some guy touched me on the bus.

well, no not that kind of touch. i was seated and he was sitting behind me and somehow his pointer finger ended up on my shoulder for about a second.

and this unnerved me.

for an hour.

like, why was he touching me? was he a robber? maybe it some kind of touch that signalled someone else to rob me- like judas kissing jesus. my backpack was still on my lap but maybe - maybe the guy next to me was robbing me and the guy behind me saw and then touched my shoulder to let me know. but i knew i still had my phone and my wallet and my book -currently angela's ashes and we're very protective of our books here because if our book is stolen, it'll be hell trying to find another one to read the ending and i imagine if i was ever robbed i'd chase them down if only to find the ending of my book - i mean what are they going to do with an english book? it's not even good on the black market.

i've gotten really paranoid since i was almost robbed the other day. i mean, i was always paranoid. i used to always look behind me instinctively- something i picked up on the streets of chinatown growing up and from america's most wanted- but i was just a weird kid before. (someone once asked me what i was looking at nad then i realized i had a problem) i was paranoid to the point of being weird. paranoid to the point of leaving at the climax of 'gangs of new york' in the theatre to check on my honda accord in the parking lot of the supersafe and superquiet fairfax towne centre.

but anyway, i was walking along on a surprisingly not crowded street but i notice this guy is following me much too closely. i turn around and he's trying to open my backpack. he had tried the larger pocket which only contained books and was about to open the pocket with my phone and wallet. i'm SO mad. without my phone and wallet, and alone in the middle of the city- i would have NO WAY of getting back. no one knows where i am. he would effectively strand me. i'd have to beg for 2 kuai to get home. he is SO unthoughtful.

i push him and think of all sorts of horrible things to do to him (my piano teacher always told me to 'kick up' in case i was in trouble with a man), at least lecture him in english because he doesn't deserve my chinese lecture- and i'm thinking he should look remorseful, look scared or at least run. but he just kinda turns away. and i grab at him and just...push him again. and walk away feeling really unsafe.

so this pointer finger terrifies me. but when i look back again, he's gone.
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(no subject) [Mar. 21st, 2006|01:17 am]
hey, i totally DO love ugly people because if i don't love them, then who will?

actually i guess that's illogical. or maybe if i just substituted 'pity' for 'love' it might just work out.

and i'll be coming back to the states in june/july.
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(no subject) [Mar. 20th, 2006|05:40 am]
maybe it's because my hair is dyed a really unnatural color, or maybe because sometimes i make inadvertent eye contact, or maybe it's just known the world over that i'm really easy-- but somehow beggars always know to come to me first for change.

today for instance, this monk comes to me and gives me the usual schpiel. i'll give this to you for free- this gold card that has some sort of buddhist symbolism that a previous monk told us all about but i forget now. any case, i say i don't want it but even as i walk quickly past him, he and his buddy are following me. i look behind to see if the bus stop is there and they try to offer it again.

and i get really annoyed. i mean, in america we don't have people chasing you around asking for money to support their religions, their politics, their........errrrr.
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(no subject) [Feb. 22nd, 2006|11:56 am]
[music |toploader- dancin' in the moonlight]

for you guys good at giving advice:

my friend calls me and unfortunately, she considers me a good friend so she blabs on and on about her ex-boyfriend (1 year serious relationship) who doesn't even think about her 4 months after the breakup. she asks, how can i make him be my friend?

my answer is: you can't make someone your friend if they're adamantly against it. just give up everything about him and move on with your life. (to which she says: 'i don't base any part of my life on him'. umm, except your mind!) he might come around when he is ready (which might take years) but anything you do now will just irritate him and seem desperate. and though i know no one likes to believe that they're easily forgotten or easy to live without, most people just are. (i didn't say that even as i was thinking how long this phone call was getting...)

but regardless, she wants to write him a letter now and just put the stakes out.

i think this is a bad idea and will probably estrange him more but i didn't want to take away her hope.

so, what would your advice have been?
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(no subject) [Feb. 9th, 2006|10:20 pm]
My mother grew up in Macau. My grandparents still live there and in a few weeks, I'll go meet them. =D This is, I think, the second time I've been to Macau, but the first time- if there was another was one- was when I was 8. So i kinda missed a few things. And a few things changed.

For one thing, Macau is a gambling town. I've heard that the amount of money gambled in Macau exceeds that gambled in Vegas. I saw a lot of foreigners in the casino we visited BUT there was no roulette! I was aghast.

But despite the garish casinos, Macau is a pretty city. It has a lot of Portuguese influence in the architecture (well I guess so though I've never been to Portugal. It doesn't look like Shenzhen though.)

In the back you'll see the Ruins of St. Paul's which I thought was something dating back to the apostle Paul (yeah, really wasn't thinking) but is actually just some school that burned down. Now all that remains is the facade- which is kinda cool. It may be telling that this facade is the most famous landmark for Macau. I saw another facade on the main street but this one was hotel that was actually a brothel (which we figured out when looking for a hotel and my guy friend sticks his head to the window and this row of similarly dressed, scantily clad girls rose up and got all excited.)

Doesn't this scream- buy these clothes?

There was a special exhibition featuring Hello Kitty and many of Macau's landmarks. Since a lot of Macau's landmarks are religious in some nature, it seemed slightly sacriligeous to have Hello Kitty's head instead of say....a cross. (well not that bad)

You know you're in China when.....the yuppies dress their dogs in traditional Chinese silk coats

again,facades. peaking out of the immaculate, modern minimalist designed museum by the ruins of St. Pauls', you can see the run-down houses where the populace lives. And of course, you're next to ruins.

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(no subject) [Feb. 5th, 2006|09:32 pm]
Just got back from Macau/Malaysia/Singapore. Thanks for the recommendations, natives! I had tons of chicken rice and ice kachong.  And heaven hath no better name than the food court in Takashimaya.

the petronas towers- they're pretty darn tall. the second and third tallest buildings in the world- but not for long....

we have approximately 400 pictures of monkeys. they're EVERYWHERE in malaysia. and they'll take that bag of peanuts from you if you're not careful...

anyone who works at the Royal Selangor Pewter Company for more than 5 years, gets a handprint on the wall.  Not just anyone can get their handprint on Elizabeth though....

written onto the window of the hotel room i was in. you may remember that dolly from my sister's malaysia travels. yes, dolly came along again to visit home.

near the ruins of St. Paul's in Macau

avian flu and elizabeth too.

and for you with sick minds....

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(no subject) [Jan. 8th, 2006|11:08 am]
commenters: yo i don't need no pity stalkers. =P ok well maybe that wouldn't be so bad but - hey- i put "the movies that i've seen" in there because i knew someone was going to bring up donnie darko!

i think i shall just post on craigslist again and get some new crazy stalkers. (but theyll be too far away to find me- ha!) i need something to jumpstart this year besides sickness (and well, a month-long vacation- rock!). it's the 8th already- where has the year gone?
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(no subject) [Jan. 7th, 2006|07:09 pm]
reading my sister's xanga, i can only think:

7 days into 2006 and the only person stalking me is the chinese government.
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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2006|09:30 am]
So I saw a new photo of some old friends. I waxed nostalgic, but just as I can be overly optimistic and overly cheerful, I also tend to remember things way better than they actually were.

The photo included: 3 people who mistakenly accused me of some sort of wrongdoing my 2nd year and very publicly aired it out- apologies and forgiveness later and, well, i almost forgot; an ex-boyfriend who wouldn't so much as acknowledge me after we broke up; a friend who was kinda sorta dating said ex-boyfriend a month after we broke up (I don't know what the real protocol for dating other's exes is but I always thought there was like a half-a-year waiting period- maybe that's just me with endless time and optimism); 2 guys i found with ulterior motives; one of my closest friends all through college who is too busy -or something-to return my emails; people i don't know; people i don't like; people i'm indifferent towards; and then the people whose super-religious sentiment without grounded knowledge used to drive me insane (but only because i'm a vile, bad person).

Positively though, the photo also included: 4 of the most honest, thoughtful and caring christian thinkers i've ever met in this age group; people i don't know; and at least 13 people (those first 4 included) who i can think about only with a smile. and it's because of these people that's why, i guess, i miss everyone. (or maybe it's really because of my faulty memory. one or the other).
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(no subject) [Dec. 19th, 2005|12:14 pm]
the way i see it- the worst decisions i've made usually turn out great whereas the ones i've made with a clear mind, lots of time and information- usually sour. that was the reasoning i went to china with and i'm quite happy here- though the question that bogs me continually is- what's next?

location: there are a lot of people here in my program who want to stay another year- i think that's crazy. i have to move on. i would love to be in charlottesville = not because there'll be anyone cool there- everyone cool has already graduated and we all know it =P- but because i love the town. and i miss my church. and it'd be cool to take more classes at uva. and i still haven't streaked the lawn.

what to do: i COULD apply to the national ground intelligence center and with my naval intelligence background, i think i have a fighting chance, tho it seems the security clearance would take forever and a day with this china thing in my past. i could..work for UVA. tho i dont' know what i could/would want to do. in general, does charlottesville have any good jobs besides professorships and hospital people? i'm thinking no.

so maybe i'll..............ponder some more in vain.
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